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5 mantras to challenge your belief of "not being good enough"

Aktualisiert: 10. Okt. 2023

In all those years as a coach, I keep seeing the same pattern: well educated, able and motivated women playing it small because they believe they are not good enough or not experienced enough to get that raise, get that promotion, apply for that job. Or great moms who continue to struggle and feel guilty for not being perfect, for having been late to a pick up, for not having attended that one play at school due to work commitments, for not having baked that cake for the sports event.

Have you ever seen men do that on a large scale? Do they question their abilities as fathers or at work based on miniscule mishaps or a perceived (if even that!) lack of experience or skill? Naw, they just go for it or brush it off. Society has blessed us women with such high standards that it is almost comical. We play small, we put ourselves last and we still bathe in guilt, shame and perfectionist mantras of doing better next time. What a waste of energy.

I invite you to embrace new mantras for yourself and keep repeating them until they are part of your DNA.

You are perfectly imperfect. Everything else would be boring and machine-like

We all make mistakes, we all forget things, we all could do better if we had infinite time and energy. But we don't. So lets stop to pretend like we do. Own your mistakes and move on. Yes you might have forgotten that birthday or you might not have written that thank you note like you wanted, but the world will continue to exist. And 99.9% of the world will not remember any of your mistakes (big or small) in 24 hours. So stop replaying them in your head.

By the way, who even is the judge of being "good enough"? Your mom and dad, because they put those values in your head? Your husband? Your kids? Your boss? Well have you ever done a performance review with them? You'd probably be surprised!

Done is better than perfect.

An old quote, but a good one. It is better to finish the 80% version of a presentation at work fast and get feedback fast (then revise based on feedback) than continuing for hours to finetune the layout just to then find out that the overall storyline is off and you have to redo the whole thing. The same goes for your family tasks - getting the kids fed on time is better than spending another hour (with them whining in the background) crafting the perfectly nutritious meal. Yes nutrition matters, but don't overdo it.

Not everything is your job. Read that again.

Put your effort and energy into those things that really matter (in the eyes of your kids or your boss). Don't blindly trust your own perfectionist tendencies. You can let a ball drop, as long as you make sure it is not an important ball. Learn to prioritize and focus on the strategically important things, not the "keeping me busy all day" small items that pop up in everyday work life and family life. No, your kid does not need the perfectly shaped star toas in his lunch box. Yes, you should keep that deadline for your bosses pitch to his boss.

Once you have your priorities sorted, you can kick those things to the curb that do.not.matter.

And please stay out of your kid's business whenever it is not life threatening. Nobody likes helicopter moms. Especially not your kids. So try to not become one. Even if it feels wrong. They need to figure their shit out themselves. It is part of growing up.

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